The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
