can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
