One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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