drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
