You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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