So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
