i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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