my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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