U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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