I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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