I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
