that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
