Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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