I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
