When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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