I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
