Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
