I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
