someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
