just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
