my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
