Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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