I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
