He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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