i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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