whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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