No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
