Sry I called you an 8
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
