so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
