Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
