I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
