I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
