Where is the hickey?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
