It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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