this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
