5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
