I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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