Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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