I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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