There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
