Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
