that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
