Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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