K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
