that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
