hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
