I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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