Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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