...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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