Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
whose parrot is this?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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