i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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