some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
