My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
