my sisters under your porch take her home
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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