i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My vagina is officially offended.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
