I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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