People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
