wakey wakey hands off snakey
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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