Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
