i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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