we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
