its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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