it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize