I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
