i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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