she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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