We're like a lot better than the average bears
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
