you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
