Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
